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by the lake, June 27, 2009

Posted by meehoon in life, love, poem, poetry, story.
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it has ended.

you walked, away
and swayed.

i stayed, wondering, pondering,
and wandering
around.

by the lake,
i finally realized, that you
have gone, really
gone
away.

i was under the two giants
outside the apartment.
i held back my urge, my
if-i suddeness.
only i then knew
the feeling was only like a few
morning dew.

the last we may cherish,
yes, finish.

me/i June 22, 2009

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let me go some place somewhere i don’t belong
why my heart is always displaced, can’t beat a song
where is the tears on my face, that should flow like a song
this is the time when you make, i take, she says, they break, we were a fake,
and it is all too late

be here with myself, stranger that sells
silent lover, he made himself from broken seashells
jaded blue sky with salty black rain
from the white cloud that is insane

rain, drains the pain
i’m insane
pain, kills the rain
i’m in vain
i’m in the rain

i’m weak, let me tweak, i can’t speak, it right
the light, it’s so bright, i just want to close my eyes
heavy little vest, crazy little invest, throw it, let me rest
i failed my test, my bad

now i can’t cry

when i die
will i cry?

to believe that i can fail, even with all my might

morning June 21, 2009

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i woke up in the morning
wondered if i had cried
i knew i was dreaming
but the sight had striked

it was his hand you’re holding
waiting for the ride
from far i was staring
i was tearing inside

i couldn’t bear the sight
i was not alright
i walked away, i had stage fright
but why they shifted the spotlight

i was crying
don’t you make me pouring
stop asking stop comforting
i was nodding or shaking?

confession with expired creativity June 18, 2009

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i used up all my lines
my love, remain undefined
hide and seek in the jungle of pines
alone? playing with all my whines

step by step along the line
never, never go astray after the wines
keep by the line
your love, it’s me, who wish to find

am i going crazy
loving you in my fantasy
could i call myself lucky
because i have had you with me
because i have had you with me

深夜 June 14, 2009

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夜深。寒。

重步冻步续幕燃布
寻路召雾仍不离簿
情循之路

气吸着寒霜及心然
木及雪赃望影伤长
觅寻之陆

北风冬函寄南虚寒
悉曲夺芳词优问暖
熏穆之禄

默然无意染须着墨
游及凉纸画生湖泊
绘藏己影松山其景
叹留虚情于曲拟音

夜深。寒。

Questions and Relations June 11, 2009

Posted by meehoon in philosophy.
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There are times when questions invading your mind like the haze is covering the sky of Malaysia.
These are times when you have the doubts.

Doubts that question your actions. Actions that you made to define yourself.

Or some people may think it this way though, it is who you are that defines your actions.

Which ever the direction of question goes, it is orbiting around you.

This is when you stand still, and look around, feel it with the 5 senses you have, or six senses you have if you have the bonus number six.

No. Sometimes you have been doing this too long, that you keep on doing it. Should it be this way? Or sometimes you have been doing this too long and you take it for granted or people take it for granted?
It should be like this?

If relationship with other individual is like two lines in parallel, that would be the best way, you live and move together, but you will never cross each other, but once one line is steering away, you would have to follow, because if you don’t, there will always be a chance that you will cross each other’s path.

So, are those 2 lines independent of each other?

Now, try some laugh.

Take a joke, and laugh at it. Think about the reason that made you laugh, and think again about the initial meaning that the author of that joke intended to make. By the way, was it meant as a joke anyway?

Thoughts are flying.

The higher you get, the harder you fall. That’s what alcohol does, it gets you high before letting you down. So why take alcohol after you know that you will get that fall, and that “thuuumm!”??
I might answer ” I want to get my brain atrophied so next time when i get some contusion, I will get that some extra mili/centimetre of protection.”

There are just so many answer. Why give a damn into thinking about it when you will never get the right one. Oh damn! Why you want to know the answer in the first place?

DAMN IT!
IT IS RACING…

Interaction in two parallel lines, that’s attractive…or otherwise?

Sometimes you insist on things you believe, just like the author of that “joke”. BUT, reader understand it in different ways, that is this f**ked up life in offering. But like the questions surrounding the reason why alcohol is being taken up, all you get will be just bull shitting yourself.

I don’t think the Sun minds 8/9 planets are orbiting itself, why human wanna give a damn on it?

If I were the Sun, I’ll think ” Why I get those damn fingers pointing at me?”
Well, even circular orbit can move in parallel too…same as some buggering thoughts…it is always there, and they are parallel to each other, and you can’t do any f**king damn things to it.

Unless the Sun decided to explode…

alone and thinking June 9, 2009

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i can’t stop thinking. again.

thinking it was not fate that made us collide,
but it was me working hard to change my orbit.

circling you. as centre.

loving a person i can’t love now. and then.
it was the fate that i can’t bend.

game on. after it was over. again.

i am playing the losing game.
you are always on the upper wind
you got me hanging…
i am swinging
every time i hear your name.

you carved mine iron heart
let it beat until it tore apart
you got me thrown like a dart
it was my soul i failed to guard

i am always thinking. been thinking this way.
always.

you taught me loneliness.
in solitude and in sadness.
some ways i manage to submerge
or drown
before my heart merge.

alone.

singing in the park May 24, 2009

Posted by meehoon in life, love, poem, poetry, rhapsody, song.
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i am writing this but i haven’t put any tune
i want it to be a classic like Claire de lune
playing it softly and whisper it in your dream
so you’ll wake up in the morning smiling

i will write in every line
i love you that will rhyme
i’ll play it cool so i’ll be fine
singing in the park
sing it till you be mine

researching for your favorite band
i will immitate them with all i can
although i know i may sound bland
but baby, i am singing it like a man

i will write in every line
i love you that will rhyme
i’ll play it cool so i’ll be fine
singing in the park 
sing it till you be mine

if i cry, would you lie to me
just one time tonight
telling that you love me for just one night

i will write in every line
i love you that will rhyme
i’ll play it cool so i’ll be fine
singing in the park 
sing it till you be mine

眼/演 May 13, 2009

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望着其眼   神入其渊
步入其间   明了其缘
羞含着脸   熟悉侧面
换来瞬间   刻心之恋 

你   还在那里
我   情不自禁
跟   着你背影 
唤来   无数悲景

明了这是回忆合璇
音符动人让人眷恋
你的眼   休止符上一面
我无言   歌词再唱一遍
三分钟   回忆热恋
落幕后   再演一遍

你   还在那里
我   情不自禁
跟   着你背影 
唤来   无数悲景

you May 10, 2009

Posted by meehoon in Therapy, life, love, story.
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when?
does sadness seeps in?
when i see your name.

when?
does it begins?
when i start to write about you.

this is when, one year later, i am still thinking about you.

a woman so strong in believe.
a soul needing so much love.
a person i never thought i will fall in love.
a girl i still love…

you taught me how to love you,
but you left half-way,
i am still learning,
but now in different way.

i should stop,

thinking

about you.

i often wonder why,
of how we collide,
and you left me with brittle remains.

you.

specially you.

the one and only

you.

冬天の故事 May 10, 2009

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檐冰化水润蕉叶   泪崔雨成雪
杯酒换茶入口颜   笑叹话无言
高阁习望雪中白   雨洗框边埃
初冒小禄影悠印   哑绘春冬情

茶叶遇水暖优开   芳滋醉心怀
黄苞春风喜绽放   钩连纠悲脉
幕暗写景屏冬季   泪流溶冰沟
爱如冰河叹止流   静生动美境

何以静生其动   优之
如以爱化成哀   悲也

绘起当年境
唤起当年情
墨游圈又静
述然乃仍清

忘。了。
埋在冬霜
忧怕春风
解冬之故

Drunk (again) May 10, 2009

Posted by meehoon in life, love, philosophy, poem, poetry.
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I’m writing this when I am drunk again

DRUNK

Sometime I hold you
Sometime I touch you
Sometime I feel you
sometime I lose you

I see you when I feel you
I feel you when I miss you
I love you when I am down
I love you when I am found

O~ I am drunk
let me drown
in this sea of red

Sometime I wonder
why I love the wine
is it because of the colour
or the taste with bitter

I love to paint
but I paint only pain
and my drawing are lame
my writing is the same
because I talk and draw and walk covered with my mane

The pain
that I have
the pain
that I feel
the pain
made my lame

Because I talk when I walk
and I talk only you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

I MISS THE FEELING LOVING YOU

I wonder why
when I see the light
as I walk though my plight
and I have this sight

I know this
I know this too well
I know this but I let it be
when I want to lose myself

The red
the red wine
the bitter sweet
wine of my time

when I see this I hope I won’t drown
don’t let the dream drown me yet
for I’m flying now before I lie flat
amidst happiness
I miss loneliness
I miss loving you
I love missing you

O~O~

spot of bother May 10, 2009

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I can feel my tear is on the brink of falling down
the light shining on me is shutting down
what is this feeling
what is this feeling
let me be alone
let me be crazy
don’t bother me

the road I’m taking is narrowing
the sand I’m stepping is now rocking
what is the meaning
what is the meaning
let me stroll for awhile
let me be lazy
don’t bother me

don’t bother me
let me be crazy
let me be lazy
turning my laws against me
telling my flaws to me
I’ll not say I’m sorry
nothing is wrong loving thee

did you say I have sad eyes
can my eyes tell lies
are you alone tonight
I want to be with you before I say goodbye
before I say goodnight

could I really go away
could I have a happy day
ooo…
don’t bother me
don’t bother me
let me be crazy
let me be

will you ever cry again? May 9, 2009

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i know i
things i make myself to see
things i make myself believe
i know i

i try to make a collage
based on my memory
of how your hands felt
when i once held them tight

the angles and curves just right
enveloping myself in great white light
i’m in cloud nine
i can’t write any line

~

when are you going to see
that you’re collecting my sympathy
singing from the mirror
i see you’re losing all your power

since when i avoid the mirror
losing all the laughter
and all my charms
i let it drown

ooo~
touch my hands
tranlating through the lens
can you hear mee
can you feel mee
can’t you tell me how you feel
will you ever
ever cry again

lead the path
bringing mee
walking through every reflection i see
i hate to believe
that you still can’t face mee

no~
i’m afraid to believe
i’m too weak to be free
waiting you to rescue mee
what is my destiny

ooo~
touch my hands
tranlating through the lens
can you hear mee
can you feel mee
can’t you tell me how you feel
will you ever
ever cry again

hold your head up high
looking straight the line
forgetting thee
we’re breaking free

ooo~
touch my hands
tranlating through the lens
can you hear mee
can you feel mee
can’t you tell me how you feel
will you ever
ever cry again

pieces of glass
breaking in the air
turning into my tears
wash away my fear
of looking at mee

dark water May 9, 2009

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The longer and further I walk, the feeling of loneliness starting to overwhelm. I walk out in seeking of solitude. But there is never a place so noisy as a solitary mind. Noises from the past interfering the noises of my heart. i can’t deny. i can’t hide. 

i close my eyes. i blame my imaginative mind. i hate my melancholic side. i’ll say i’m fine. that’s my egoistic side. i pour all my ink into the lake. making it dark. i will write with my blood so it’ll excite my heart. i’ve became so numb. i have a poker face. i can’t look into my eyes.

Sinister mirror, laughing at me. Crazy hippocritic mind of mine, sneering at me. Who am i? But a self-proclaimed powerful powerless soul. i am drowing in my own gaze, i am lying to myself. Into the dark pool of iris, i die.

Can i really look deep into your heart through your beautiful eyes? No. i am a vulnerable soul, which my every story’s sold. There a hole in my heart, i let it be, i let it’s sound to remind me, that i’m locked to my own fate, wanting a bigger heart. 

Dark pool; dark water glows. My eyes, my feeling shows. i drown, i fall, and i flow. Letting it to bring me back to my own soul.

wooden table’s dots May 8, 2009

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falling winter snow
outside the brown window 
the look on your face
i could never erase

boiling water pot
wooden table’s dots
dropping of your tears
seeping through every woody peer

let me play the whole story
writing the script and the score
acting nothing and explore
could you see your part
could you link the dots

stop crying baby
stop crying darling
for i can’t stop my tears from falling
and form the dots on the table
stop crying my friend
stop crying my friend
for i can’t hold you my dear
and kiss away the tears

i left and pretend i don’t care
i regret and had nightmares
i peeped and stole your sights
in return all i had was sigh

stop crying my baby
stop crying my darling
could i hold you near
and kiss away your tears
i shield you from fear
and love you my dear

you left the warmth on the chair
and your scent in the air
grasping loose and tried not to be despair
insulating myself in my lair

don’t cry my baby
don’t cry

let me May 8, 2009

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Oo Oo~
let me
let me be here to see
let me
let me be your fantasy
let me
let me see the future of thee
will i ever see you’re with me

walking along the moonlight
walking alone on the plight
i see the stars shine
many light years apart
has the star died
but it shines through the space 
for our gaze

let me
let me play the melody
let me
let me sing some melancholy
let me
let me sing out the symphony
will you ever listen to me

drawing out my heart
find a way to make it beats
find a way to make it bleeds
just to see the four chambers
filled with love and wonders

has my heart
stop to beat
causing my love in stasis

let me
let me love you my baby
let me
let me hold you tight and steady
let me
let me kiss you sweet and tenderly
look into your eyes translating love telling millions stories

last note
drops low
full stop
moon stop to glow
and the river stops to flow

darkness.quiet.motionless.

but
let me
love you senselessly
still

i miss you May 6, 2009

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and i do
miss you
and i feel
you too

what can i do
to get out from this blue
it is true
it is true
i miss you

let the sun rises up
and the shadow darkens
changes in length
but never outside the fense

i am losing my defense
i want to offend
you
and tell you
that i miss you

rhapsody May 5, 2009

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can i look into your eyes?
and not drawing here.
can i tell it to you?
and not writing it here…

just…
just to say…
i love you.

i don’t want to be your silent lover,
seeing you here from far.
i wish i could be with you,
every second never apart.

walk with me once again,
and not letting me following you fading end.
for i miss your lovely scent,
the morning after that one night stand .

drunken possessed jazzy plan,
crazy spell-casting broken land,
ill-sucking emotions gang,
all ended with a bang!

can i play with your mind?
can i tell you i want you mine?
can i walk with you on this line?
can i find you if i’m blind?

i love you
i love you
one night.
tonight.

New Room April 27, 2009

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To walk in the crowd. Stranger talking aloud. Sky above, gathering clouds. The mind I have, full of doubts. 

Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer again…365days lazy mind. Lazy to face the days. I adapted well. Slowly. I can. With my shadow arriving so much earlier than I do. I have expected this. Why didn’t believe but I choosed to endure the pain. 

I tried and walked slumberlly. Ignorant. Dead walking. Soul’s sealed. Heart peeled. Autopsy done. I’m OK.

Found this new room. Realizing that I am here all this while. You just showed me the light. Told me I’m here. When you told me you have fallen in love. To our friend. I think I like how this would end. I’ll not be saying more. Afraid that I will make some silly mistake and a fool of myself again, in front of you. 

I love you. You know I do. Now. Still. But, it is not the same anymore. Either one of us, maybe both, have taken a parallel path, walking along, never crossing path again. I think I like this. Same room different people. Same brain, different mind. I am the latter. 

Same skull, same room, same brain; different light, different mind.

I like this new room. It has a different light.

looking back April 27, 2009

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flipping back my songbook
i found some songs
wish to sing it with a different tunes
rock and roll or RnB with soul

starting with a blue tune
under the october moon
you have cried all the summer
don’t want to see the tracks of ice in the winter

winter wind it blows
all the autumn sadness flow
singing in the snow
singing for the coming show

break the ice and carve a heart
wait it splices and breaks apart
to want me and throw a dart
wishing to stay and wait for luck

talked too long
wrote too long
finding faults along
finding that i’m wrong

winter wind it blows
freezing sadness hugs the cold
come the spring show
sadness in the river, it flows
summer day horn blows
autumn leaves in a row
see it now
in this show
in front of you
i bow