white string’s

I still remember I used to cry easily. That I used to listen to the sound of tears rolling down my cheek. That I could always taste the salty taste of tears. I don’t like it.

oh, listen
oh, listen
listen to my voice
listen to my voice
i have the choice
to choose to rejoice

I am running low. For a while now. 
Sensed it. Ignored it.
Knew it. Could do nothing about it.
But I am feeling it now. I can’t help myself. When? When I’ve lost it.

just a feeling i have
like the air of my breath
smoke that i cannot catch
perhaps i am a wretch

I know I know. I claimed that I know. That I was just letting myself drowing with a safety float. Let mee be. Let mee be. You know why? Because I can’t cry. I needed it. 

But I have lost my emotions long before I lost you. 

like a drop of rain
falling into the sea
like the drop of tear
drying on my skin

I am stone cold. Understanding what I should feel but failing to feel it. I lost touch with my inner self. I have lost the feeling of happiness, sadness, excitement, disappointment…
Who am I now but just a hollow body?
What am I searching for now?
“spiritual” soul lost in reality?
or just the failure of the limbic system?

I wanted to say I am sorry that I’ve fallen in love with you. I am sorry that I have delayed you. I am just sorry for the things that you think I should be sorry for. For I am just too weak to think of anything now.

love once
forever love

I was told. I am still told that time is the best medicine. Time is all but the best anaesthesia. 

it never go away, it just gets easier

anything…

I went on. I smiled. If it was it, let it be then. Let mee be.

if i just let loose it all
would i fall?
or would i just hanging there and hit the wall?
would i just fall
and hit the ground?
maybe i will find
the pain
would i just fall
in your hand? 
a burden for rent

would i just say it all?
would my words fall before they reach
heavy and sick, all my words
from mee, a sick